i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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