i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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