i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
