yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize