This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
