11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
