Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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