We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
