Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
