I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
