Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
