Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
