matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize