If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
