"it" just moved
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
