who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
