So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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