My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
