Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
