covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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