Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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