a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
