Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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