I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
