I hate your face
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
