I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
