but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I look better un-naked...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
