I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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