On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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