Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Text me some of your sweat
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
