Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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