so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
