btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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