You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
