she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
