brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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