so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
