the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
