Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
