watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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