Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
