He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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