my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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