Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
