So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
