this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize