She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
