I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
