Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
