That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
