after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
