She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
