this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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