she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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