I need help removing her.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
