It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize