i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
