Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
