my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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