I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
