so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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