i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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