the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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