my being single is dangerous.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
