the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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