No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
