I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So apparently I’m into choking now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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