I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
