Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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