Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
