o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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