How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
