don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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