i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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