youre lurking in front of me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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