dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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