You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
