Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
