Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
