The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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