Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
