hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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