I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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