Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
