I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
