Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
