Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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