how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize