Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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