Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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