Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
