I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
