Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
