Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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