After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
