i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
