he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize