sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
