It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
