there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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