It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
