she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
