You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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