mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
