She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
