so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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