I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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