Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
