I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
