he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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