South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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