pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize