tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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