too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
