Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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