Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
