I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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