so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
