the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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