Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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