But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
