Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
